shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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