is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
