My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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