And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
