But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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