Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
