She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
