i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize