I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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