I wannas sexs uuuuu
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
