Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
