I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
