omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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