The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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