Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
