Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
do nipples grow back?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
