I want to walk on stilts...naked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
