Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
