Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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