His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
