i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
