I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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