I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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