your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
