please come you make the beer taste better
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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