chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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