I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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