At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
