I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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