I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
