I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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