i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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