He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
