Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
