I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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