If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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