Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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