the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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