whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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