Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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