I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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