you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
