Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
