Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
