He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize