did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
