my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
