i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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