Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
