im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
