Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
