we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
