come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
