guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
