you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
as a side note pls kill me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
