You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
