Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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