I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
