omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
