remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize