Princesses don't give blow jobs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
