He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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