I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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