It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
