Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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