DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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