I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
