Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
