is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
