Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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